There are times when life experiences whether they are our own experiences or those of our parents or close relatives affect us to an extent that it inhibits actions that are quite normal for others.
Unfortunately, some women get into relationships with men who are afraid of making a commitment. Understand however, that there is a difference between real fear and just reluctance or outright refusal to commit.
A commitment phobe will have you convinced that he does indeed want to get married but as soon as your relationship grows closer he does things to push you away. He may have a history of relationships like yours that ended suddenly for no apparent reason and he leaves a trail of devastation behind him.
The difference between a commitment phobe and a man who just does not want to commit because of a host of other reasons is that for the commitment phobe, real fear is involved. Like other phobic disorders, fear overrules all rational thoughts or behaviors.
The commitment phobic male views commitment as a loss of freedom with no chance to escape. The behavior itself can extend beyond a romantic relationship too but it is only really apparent in the relationship.
Signs Of A Commitment Phobe
- A history of short relationships that ends for no reason.
- Pursuit of unattainable partners.
- They pursue you aggressively in the beginning of the relationship and might even raise the idea of marriage early on.
- They will do things to sabotage the relationship forcing you to walk away, including being unfaithful or disappearing for days on end.
- They act like you don’t matter to them and promise to change when you threaten to leave.
- They may not acknowledge you as their partner to friends and family and find excuses not to meet yours.
- They have a history of short term jobs and platonic relationships.
- They exclude you from all aspects of their lives.
- They cut you off whenever you raise the topic about the status of your relationship.
- They make excuses to avoid spending time with you.
If you find yourself in a relationship with a commitment phobe it does not mean that you should walk away. Like all relationships it needs work, only in your case it may take a little bit extra work and it is up to you to decide if your partner is worth it.
If you decide to stay you will need you to:
- First determine if he sincerely wants to change.
- Help him seek counseling in some cases.
- Give him the space until he recognizes that you are his “safe place.”
- Recognize that this is no fault of yours and not feel rejected by his actions.
- Hold him accountable for his actions towards you.
- Ensure that all your actions are to help him get over his fear and not motivated by your desire to bring him to the altar. Make sure he knows this.
- Be willing to leave if you have tried your best and it still didn’t work out.
Due to the differences between the sexes conflicts and sometimes heartbreak results. Commitment phobia is just one more obstacle to overcome although it can be heartbreaking and maddening.
Once again, I am forced to recommend Men Made Easy to help you overcome this dilemma. Cheers to your upcoming nuptials!
