We can all agree that good relationships don’t just happen by chance. It takes effort and a lot of forgiveness of our partners’ imperfections in order to stay together and be fulfilled.
While some sins are quite easy to overlook there are some habits that will completely pull your relationship apart at the seams and before you know it you’re on your way to splitsville.
If you find yourself or your partner displaying any of these habits there is no reason to panic. Acknowledgment and a desire to change is the first step on the road to victory. That said here are the five habits that you should be aware of.
Criticism
Criticism destroys the trust that your partner has placed in you by letting down his/her boundaries and allowing you in. Criticism is the act of speaking negatively about your partner’s flaws and mistakes. This is especially crushing if you never compliment you partner on their positive characteristics.
With men criticism takes on another dimension. Men may feel criticized even when there is no evidence of anything negative being said. Men, and this by no means include all men, need to accomplish things on their own. They will only ask for help if they feel they need it. Women on the other hand show their love and support by offering to assist.
When a woman offers unsolicited advice or support some men interpret this as criticism and will react as though they were criticized.
Failure to forgive
Holding on to past mistakes and reminding your partner of them every time you are upset is a surefire way to create resentment in your partner and push your relationship to an ultimate end. Forgiveness means to completely exonerate your partner from the mistakes made and move on as if it never happened. This is the way God forgives us and it is how he expects us to forgive others.
Furthermore, forgiveness is not only beneficial for your partner. Forgiveness releases you from pent up feelings of hurt and resentment, brings healing and makes it easier for you to love your partner as you should.
Failure to apologize when wrong
Saying that you’re sorry when you did something wrong is a way to acknowledge to your partner that you messed up and that you are truly sorry that you caused him/her pain. When you fail to say that you are sorry your partner will quickly get the message that you just do not care and may use this as a reason to move on to someone else.
Trying to control one’s partner
If guilt, belittling, rage, threats, withdrawal are used in your relationship in order to control the reactions of the other person then there is a control freak in the relationship. There is no gender bias when it comes to control although men and women may use different tools to keep their partners under control. Acknowledge if you have a problem with needing to be the one in control or talk with your partner if he/she is the one with the problem before this habit destroys the relationship.
Lies
One lie can quickly snowball into a trail of lies to cover up that first lie. There is also the possibility of that one lie developing into habitually lying to your partner. Lies once discovered destroys trust, the glue that holds relationships together. Lying by omission is just as destructive as distorting the truth and should be avoided.
Although lying may seem like a difficult habit to break when faced with the possibility of losing a valued partner telling the truth becomes more appealing. Choosing the right time and sincere remorse for any misdeeds may help to secure forgiveness and restore trust.
These five habits will destroy a relationship but the good news is that with a sincere desire to change these negative habits can be transformed into something positive. True love and the right partner is all that is needed to spur the desire to make the transformation.
